Good Robot Brewing Co.

Author: Alley Biniarz

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Why You Shouldn’t Drink Beer

Don’t drink beer, because you will get drunk and die. Don’t drink beer with your friends, don’t drink beer standing up…just don’t do it. Promise?

Okay, now everybody take some coasters.

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The side-effects of beer are gruesome and require immediate care. Trust us, we’re the experts.

BEER MAY CAUSE ACCIDENTAL FUN

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After a few sips you may notice a twitch at the sides of your lips. This is called a smile. An awkward sound may even escape through your lips but whatever you do, DO. NOT. PANIC. This is a laugh and is easily cured.

Recommended: Put down the glass, and walk away. Keep drinking at your own risk. Symptoms may worsen.

 

MODERATE DRINKERS LIVE LONGER

Bad news, you’ve extended your life by a brew. Your chances of continuing to disappoint yourself and your mother are now higher than ever.

Recommended: Increase temper to get heart rate up. This’ll put you right back on the path of kicking the bucket while you’re still in your prime.

 

BEER CAN BE NUTRITIOUS

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Maybe you thought you were filling your body up with empty calories. Nope. Nothing is sacred anymore. Now you have higher levels of B vitamins. You’re welcome.

Say hello to being the beer-burp champion! oh, and the soluble fiber will make you poop.

Recommended: One burger per beer to keep the unhealthy junk in stock.

 

BEER BOOSTS YOUR METABOLISM

Say goodbye to any hopes of having a dad-bod, or experiencing the sweet ease and comfort of resting your growler between the belly creases.

Recommended: Sit at the bar for an extra hour. Walk as little as possible. Minimal movement. Bathroom breaks optional.

 

BEER MAKES YOU A SOCIAL HUMAN

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Awkward “hi, how are you?” conversations at the bar are okay, but if you’re already making plans with people outside of work, you’ve gone too far and we can’t help you

Recommended: Just keep drinking. You’re a lost cause.

Have fun. Be safe. Stay weird, friendos.


*This post is based on drinking a moderate amount and is in no way encouraging drinking in excess. As a famous dude-bro said: “Beer, if drank with moderation, softens the temper, cheers the spirit, and promotes health.” – Thomas Jefferson.

But what did he know anyway?

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Brewin’ Up On a Tuesday

The beer is about to get a lot more wackity schmackity here at Good Robot. If you haven’t heard yet, Tuesdays are transforming into “BetaBrewsdays.” So, for the entire summer you can enjoy a quirky staff-brewed beer.

Are you brave enough to try one?

These brews are completely experimental and the process is led by our mad scientist Kelly. She has paired up with both experts and brew-newbs that want to learn a thing or two about the beverage we all know, love, and want share with all of you.

Who have been her right-hand humans so far?

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She and Doug released the first BetaBrew, “Cream Team,” the appropriately named cream ale, last week, which will be followed by a SMaSH beer from Kelly and Dan made with Red X Malt and Ella hops. Then, Eri and Kelly are changing things up a little with their mumm beer, which is made with only herbs and spices – no hops allowed! Yum!

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I’ve been intrigued by the brew process from the start, so this past week Kelly asked me if I wanted to join her and Dom in brewing the next one. Now, I do a lot of things: I’m a writer, server, and Creative Team member…but a brewer? Let’s talk about stepping out of my comfort zone for a sec.

I’m not going to pretend that because I work at a brewery that I know all that there is to know about beer. There is so much to know, and my brain does not do the science thing. But after brewing with Kelly (and asking her a question every minute or so) I have to say that she has much knowledge, and is a wickedly kind teacher.

We weighed the grains, and mulled them to let the sugars to their thing later on, and we even learned that Pilsner can also be poisonous? Yikes. Talk about the pressure you’re under to make sure you don’t kill anyone.

Kelly was awesome at creating little images and analogies to help us remember what each ingredient did – my favourite was taking the little rice grains (that separate the mash that gunks up) and imagining them as elbows trying to push their way through a crowd. Again, I don’t do the science thing, so the visuals helped break down the brew-barrier and to understand what each ingredient’s job is.

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I am definitely a hands-on learner and this helped me better know what our company is all about, and even just to experience how FUN it is to brew something. I’m going to be honest and say that I still feel like I know almost nothing about brewing, but now I’m a step closer. Getting out of your comfort zone can be intimidating, but when the company is good (and let you follow them around like a lost dog) you hardly even notice. It’s also amazing to see what grains and hops can do with a little hot water and a lot of precision.

I’ll keep our beer a secret for now, but let’s just say that we had to grate a happy veggie and my hands were stained orange for hours!

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It’s 5 O’clock Somewhere

  • By Dan Hendricken

5pm. 17:00 hours. Quitting Time. For years, this has been the time society has told us it’s ‘appropriate’ to have a beer. Well, personally I am sick of this. I’m tired of being told when i can have a drink. I’m a +19 adult, and just like doing my taxes, I’ll start drinking whenever I feel like it.

This freedom train is not done rolling though, because I’m talking about having a few beach beers on a long weekend. I’m talking about having a few adult beverages on a Tuesday in March. Break out the bus tickets, Daddy is having himself a weekday.

Do not go boldly into this brave new world of day drinking blind though, my friend. Day drinking is a tricky beast, look no further than every episode of Cops for proof. So here is a quick guide to day drinking, along with some classy recommendations to pair your beer perfectly with the time of day.

 

7a.m.-9a.m. Oatmeal Stout

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, as is the first beer. This full bodied, sweet treat brew is smoother than a oil slicked penguin. It’s the perfect way to start your day. Plus, with all that oatmeal,l you are pretty much drinking some Quaker Oats.

Recommended Beer:

Cereal Killer Stout – Big Spruce

  • Rich, moderately dry, with deep chocolate and coffee flavours.
  • It has cereal in the name! It’s just begging to be breakfast.

 

9a.m.-11a.m. Coffee Brown

Maybe you are at work, on the bus, or just debating whether McDonald’s breakfast is special anymore because it’s too available.’ It doesn’t matter, it’s time for another beer.

It’s time to take some advice from your Aunt’s favourite Facebook meme: “Instant human, just add Coffee.” That’s right, it’s Coffee Beer time. Now this is not the beer equivalent of a Vodka Red Bull, so you can keep the Ed Hardy in the closet. This is a toasty, caramelly, creamy combo of the 2 greatest beverages of all. It’s comforting and crisp, and best of all is very unassuming looking in an office coffee mug. Just don’t use the “Hang in there” cat one, apparently Karen owns that one and she freaks if you use it.

Recommended Beer:

Dave & Morley Coffee Brown – Good Robot Brewing

  • This almost porter-like brown is nicely balanced, and still has a good kick at 6.3% ABV. Aka that performance meeting will likely be a little bit more pleasant than usual.

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11a.m. – 1p.m. Table Beer

Awesome, almost half way through the work day. Time to have a pint for lunch, no more mug beers! Whether you’re out with your co-workers, or hitting up a patio when the sun creates no shadows, for this time of day I’m suggesting a table beer. Clean, crisp and a guilt free ABV. This beer says ‘Hey, I’d love to have a beer mid-way through the work day. Hell, I might have 2 if not 3. If Jerry from accounting shoots me a dirty look, I’ll remind him we’ve all seen him leave the storage closet at the christmas party with a woman that definitely wasn’t Linda.

 

Recommended Beer:  

Liesse Table Beer- 2 Crows

  • Citrusy, Refreshing, Bright and Smooth
  • Imagine if Coors Light was fucking great…am I allowed to say fucking? Who cares? I’ve been drinking since 7a.m.

1pm -5pm American Pale Ale

Now with a belly full of food and half a buzz you can really conquer the rest of your day. I’m thinking maybe a tasty crisp APA out of a coloured water bottle. It’s sharp notes will keep you focused and fresh faced for the rest of the day. The balanced hops and malts will wash down lunch and keep that garlic and onion breath at bay. Take a back seat Excel, there is a new breath freshener in town. Plus it can totally could pass for Kombucha. I mean they are both fermented right? Your gut is going to be on point.

 

Recommended Beer:

DeWolfe of Wall Street APA – Good Robot Brewing

  • It’s clean, crisp and crushable.
  • Jordan Belfort was super successful and I think he drank beer? I’m not sure there was a lot of other stuff going on in that movie.

 

There you have it, a loose guide to day drinking. This is merely a list of suggestions, not hard and fast rules. Day drinking is an art form and has many different expressions. From Coors-fueled camping trips, to a few too many cesar’s at brunch, to even sipping a Guinness on the beach (I have seen it before, it was insane). The most important rule is to have fun and don’t text your ex.