It’s 5 o’Clock Somewhere
By Dan Hendricken
5pm. 17:00 hours. Quitting Time. For years, this has been the time society has told us it’s ‘appropriate’ to have a beer. Well, personally I am sick of this. I’m tired of being told when i can have a drink. I’m a +19 adult, and just like doing my taxes, I’ll start drinking whenever I feel like it.
This freedom train is not done rolling though, because I’m talking about having a few beach beers on a long weekend. I’m talking about having a few adult beverages on a Tuesday in March. Break out the bus tickets, Daddy is having himself a weekday.
Do not go boldly into this brave new world of day drinking blind though, my friend. Day drinking is a tricky beast, look no further than every episode of Cops for proof. So here is a quick guide to day drinking, along with some classy recommendations to pair your beer perfectly with the time of day.
7a.m.-9a.m. Oatmeal Stout
Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, as is the first beer. This full bodied, sweet treat brew is smoother than a oil slicked penguin. It’s the perfect way to start your day. Plus, with all that oatmeal,l you are pretty much drinking some Quaker Oats.
Cereal Killer Stout – Big Spruce
Rich, moderately dry, with deep chocolate and coffee flavours.
It has cereal in the name! It’s just begging to be breakfast.
9a.m.-11a.m. Coffee Brown
Maybe you are at work, on the bus, or just debating whether McDonald’s breakfast is special anymore because it’s too available.’ It doesn’t matter, it’s time for another beer.
It’s time to take some advice from your Aunt’s favourite Facebook meme: “Instant human, just add Coffee.” That’s right, it’s Coffee Beer time. Now this is not the beer equivalent of a Vodka Red Bull, so you can keep the Ed Hardy in the closet. This is a toasty, caramelly, creamy combo of the 2 greatest beverages of all. It’s comforting and crisp, and best of all is very unassuming looking in an office coffee mug. Just don’t use the “Hang in there” cat one, apparently Karen owns that one and she freaks if you use it.
Dave & Morley Coffee Brown – Good Robot Brewing
This almost porter-like brown is nicely balanced, and still has a good kick at 6.3% ABV. Aka that performance meeting will likely be a little bit more pleasant than usual.
11a.m. – 1p.m. Table Beer
Awesome, almost half way through the work day. Time to have a pint for lunch, no more mug beers! Whether you’re out with your co-workers, or hitting up a patio when the sun creates no shadows, for this time of day I’m suggesting a table beer. Clean, crisp and a guilt free ABV. This beer says ‘Hey, I’d love to have a beer mid-way through the work day. Hell, I might have 2 if not 3. If Jerry from accounting shoots me a dirty look, I’ll remind him we’ve all seen him leave the storage closet at the christmas party with a woman that definitely wasn’t Linda.
Liesse Table Beer- 2 Crows
Citrusy, Refreshing, Bright and Smooth
Imagine if Coors Light was fucking great…am I allowed to say fucking? Who cares? I’ve been drinking since 7a.m.
1pm -5pm American Pale Ale
Now with a belly full of food and half a buzz you can really conquer the rest of your day. I’m thinking maybe a tasty crisp APA out of a coloured water bottle. It’s sharp notes will keep you focused and fresh faced for the rest of the day. The balanced hops and malts will wash down lunch and keep that garlic and onion breath at bay. Take a back seat Excel, there is a new breath freshener in town. Plus it can totally could pass for Kombucha. I mean they are both fermented right? Your gut is going to be on point.
DeWolfe of Wall Street APA – Good Robot Brewing
It’s clean, crisp and crushable.
Jordan Belfort was super successful and I think he drank beer? I’m not sure there was a lot of other stuff going on in that movie.
There you have it, a loose guide to day drinking. This is merely a list of suggestions, not hard and fast rules. Day drinking is an art form and has many different expressions. From Coors-fueled camping trips, to a few too many cesar’s at brunch, to even sipping a Guinness on the beach (I have seen it before, it was insane). The most important rule is to have fun and don’t text your ex.